Hallelujah
by Mondeo
Summary: HoratioCalleigh songfic to the song Hallelujah. Contains major angst and character death.


**Pairing:** Horatio/Calleigh  
**Prompt:** Hallelujah  
**Disclaimer/Warning:** I still don't own CSI: Miami, which is very upsetting but I can live with it. I don't own the lyrics either. They're owned by Leonard Cohen I believe. Fic contains some major Horatio angst (or Hangst as I like to call it) and character death.  
**A/N:** I felt this needed a bit of explanation, because I'm too lazy to somehow incorporate it into the actual fic. In my head (scary, eh?) it's Horatio listening to the song "Hallelujah" (in a location that should become apparent, let's assume he has an iPod) and considering the memories that the lyrics trigger. Comments are loved and appreciated.

* * *

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
When you saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you_

She looked so beautiful that night, the night I finally told her. I'd had a whole speech worked out in my mind, even planned for if she slapped me or broke down. But when I got to the beach and saw her, I was speechless. She stood there, waiting patiently for my "news" as I had put it over the phone. And all I could do was gape, totally stunned by her beauty in the moonlight. When I eventually spluttered that I loved her, it was all I could do not to fall over with shock when she said she loved me too.

_She tied you to a kitchen chair  
She broke your throne, she cut your hair  
_  
It's not as kinky as it sounds, not really. We only did it once, and we swore we'd never talk about it again, although I've always had my suspicions that she told Alexx, judging by the fact that she couldn't look at me for about a month without smirking. I know I eventually caved in and told Speed, who laughed for about a year before telling me, with a completely straight face, that before I knew it I'd be going to S&M classes and learning the best knots to use in bondage.

_I know this room, I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew you_

The day she moved in was traumatic for both of us. For me because I hadn't shared an apartment with anybody for years and had major issues with compromise and sharing. No doubt it wasn't her favourite point in our relationship, as she tried desperately to find one thing in my apartment that I could sacrifice to make her happy.

_I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
And love is not a victory march__  
__It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

There was a time when I felt like the luckiest guy alive, just to have met her, to have her love me. But now. Now all memories I have of her are bittersweet. That day. The day we fought. I know I never said it, but I'm sorry. And I wish I could tell her that now. Instead I'm standing here, on the coldest day Miami's seen in years, staring at a lump of granite with a name on.

_Well maybe there's a god above  
But all I ever learned from love__  
__Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you_

I shot the guy, like I promised her I would as she lay there in the hospital. I swore that nobody would ever hurt her again, that I'd kill them first. Turns out I didn't need to worry, she didn't live long enough to get hurt. And I did exactly what I did when Speed died, I buried myself in the case, telling myself it was the only therapy I needed. Truly, the therapy I needed was killing the bastard who shot her, And I got it.

_And it's not a cry you can hear at night,__  
__It's not somebody who's seen the light__  
__It's cold and it's a broken Hallelujah_

I guess people think I'm fine now, that I coped amazingly well with the whole, gut-wrenchingly awful, event. But I didn't. I can't sleep in my bed - _our_ bed - anymore. I'm doing what I do every time (and nobody knows how much I hate the fact that I now have a usual course of action). I'm working myself into the ground to numb the pain. And sometimes it helps. Sometimes I totally forget that I'm only half a person these days, I honestly believe for a while that I'll go home and you'll be right there. Then I enter the ballistics lab and see that your name's no longer on the board and I can't kid myself any longer.

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah, Hallelujah_

I leave the cemetary, the hallelujahs still ringing in my ears.

_Hallelujah, Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah, Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah, Hallelujah__  
__Hallelujah, Hallelujah_


End file.
